Tuesday, May 7, 2013

This is How You Get ANTs


I have ANTs. Not in my kitchen, not in my apartment even, but worse – in my head.
I’ve learnt this is how the voice in the head is called professionally, the Auto Negative Thoughts. I have them, possibly, many women does, or so I want to believe.

I think it’s somehow important to realize there is professional term for that, because then you will think that this is something happening to others, and generally since it’s a thing, it’s not real. ANTs are not real! This is quite a relief, but then… who if not me myself is responsible for them? That is not so good, because maybe it would be more convenient to blame someone for them, but it’s only me. This mean the responsibility is all mine, and it should be mine to stop it. It might be good news, in a way, that I can stop them, but it’s not easy process of reprogramming yourself. I did try that before, saying those optimistic stuff to yourself in the mirror. Never go far with those, mostly because ANTs will bug in and take over.

Found THIS article about types of ANTs, and I must say they’re almost quotations of my own mind:
-          Overgeneralization: It will always end bad! I will never succeed
-          Filtering: I said something bitchy again to my boyfriend because I was stressed, he must hate me know and will probably break up with me in near future.
-          All or nothing thinking: He doesn’t love, he can’t, because he did/didn’t do/said this and that.
-          Personalizing: My boyfriend looks angry, it’s probably because I said something.
-          Catastrophising: I will start this new work and they will realize I have totally no idea how to do it! They will fire me and I will lose my visa and will have to move back to Poland.
-          Emotional Reasoning: I am so fat and ugly, everyone must think so too.
-          Mind reading: I’m sure he cares more about those friends from there, and I’m just for the time he’s here. He probably already plans to leave me when he moves there too.
-          Fortune Telling error: I will surely get even fatter and he will hate me and leave me.
-          Should statements: I shouldn’t overthink things, I should be more patient.
-          Magnification/Minimisation: His mum asked if I still go to gym, it must be so obvious I gained weight.

Those are actual ANTs of mine. They’re not there all the time, that would be unbearable for myself and people around me. But they pop out once in a while and cause little break downs over nothing. The irony is that I am worrying (ANTing) that those break downs caused by them will destroy my relationships with people making the ANTs come true.
Surely, too much free time tends to cause ANTs. I hope my new job will occupy me more and won’t let me have time for this BS. Otherwise, I need to seriously try to start fighting with them, and I hope people around me can be understanding. Usually, the first positive feedback from them (showing care and asking if I’m fine, a friendly “awwww” and hug, etc.) will kill an ANT on the spot, and leave me feel silly and guilty of making drama out of nothing.

Same website propose some ideas to fight ANTs, and I will try to apply those myself too:
1.    Be aware of what you are saying to yourself. Ask yourself: What is going through my mind?”
2. Challenge your thoughts. Remember, just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true.
3. Look for evidence.
4. Put thoughts into perspective.
5. What is a more helpful thought?

I’ve decided to come out of the closet with my ANTs, so that maybe someone who reads my blog can feel better about their ANTs, and realize those can be killed.