I have ANTs. Not in my kitchen, not in my apartment
even, but worse – in my head.
I’ve learnt this is how the voice in the head is
called professionally, the Auto Negative Thoughts. I have them, possibly, many
women does, or so I want to believe.
I think it’s somehow important to realize there is
professional term for that, because then you will think that this is something
happening to others, and generally since it’s a thing, it’s not real. ANTs are not
real! This is quite a relief, but then… who if not me myself is responsible for
them? That is not so good, because maybe it would be more convenient to blame
someone for them, but it’s only me. This mean the responsibility is all mine,
and it should be mine to stop it. It might be good news, in a way, that I can
stop them, but it’s not easy process of reprogramming yourself. I did try that
before, saying those optimistic stuff to yourself in the mirror. Never go far
with those, mostly because ANTs will bug in and take over.
Found THIS article about types of ANTs, and I must
say they’re almost quotations of my own mind:
-
Overgeneralization: It will always end bad!
I will never succeed
-
Filtering: I said something bitchy again to
my boyfriend because I was stressed, he must hate me know and will probably
break up with me in near future.
-
All or nothing thinking: He doesn’t love, he
can’t, because he did/didn’t do/said this and that.
-
Personalizing: My boyfriend looks angry, it’s
probably because I said something.
-
Catastrophising: I will start this new work and they will realize I have
totally no idea how to do it! They will fire me and I will lose my visa
and will have to move back to Poland.
-
Emotional Reasoning: I am so fat and ugly, everyone
must think so too.
-
Mind reading: I’m sure he cares more about
those friends from there, and I’m just for the time he’s here. He probably
already plans to leave me when he moves there too.
-
Fortune Telling error: I will surely get
even fatter and he will hate me and leave me.
-
Should statements: I shouldn’t overthink
things, I should be more patient.
-
Magnification/Minimisation: His mum asked if
I still go to gym, it must be so obvious I gained weight.
Those are actual ANTs of mine. They’re not there
all the time, that would be unbearable for myself and people around me. But
they pop out once in a while and cause little break downs over nothing. The
irony is that I am worrying (ANTing) that those break downs caused by them will
destroy my relationships with people making the ANTs come true.
Surely, too much free time tends to cause ANTs. I
hope my new job will occupy me more and won’t let me have time for this BS. Otherwise,
I need to seriously try to start fighting with them, and I hope people around
me can be understanding. Usually, the first positive feedback from them
(showing care and asking if I’m fine, a friendly “awwww” and hug, etc.) will
kill an ANT on the spot, and leave me feel silly and guilty of making drama out
of nothing.
Same website propose some ideas to fight ANTs, and
I will try to apply those myself too:
1. Be aware of what you are saying to yourself.
Ask yourself: “What
is going through my mind?”
2. Challenge your thoughts. Remember, just because
you think something doesn’t mean it’s true.
3. Look for evidence.
4. Put thoughts into perspective.
5. What is a more helpful thought?
I’ve decided to come out of the closet with my
ANTs, so that maybe someone who reads my blog can feel better about their ANTs,
and realize those can be killed.